Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
