Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
