It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
