i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
