I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
