Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
