boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
