We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
