So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
