Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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