Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He shit in the fireplace
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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