so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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