It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
