we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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