He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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