if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
