you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
