Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
