Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
