I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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