I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
