my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
