I like my sex mixed with concussions.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
