forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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