she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
