So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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