people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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