I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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