Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
