Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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