I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
