Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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