I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
