a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
