We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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