She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
