There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
