the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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