Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
