in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
