I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
