This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
