If i come over, it means nothing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
