For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
