You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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