We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
