Just fell off a train. Bad.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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