dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
