the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
either way he was missing a nipple.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
