I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Farmville is her only friend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
