So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
