So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Barsexuality is the new black.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
