Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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