ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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