last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
