Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
