You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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